my favorite smell in the world is the linden trees as they flower.
which is fucking horrible because that only happens during a 3-4 week period from late june to july.
i'm listening to "new york i love you but you're bringing me down" again and i miss summer. summer in the city. summer--biking in manhattan, the linden trees in june when i came to visit and search for houses, the green leafy things giving off a sweet, compassionate scent, an almost erotic pulsing aura that intoxicates you, and especially near the ocean as it is in manhattan, all along the downtown west side, that little park where all the sunbathers go behind the huge hole that used to be the world trade center.
and that's why i miss summer. that, and great neck is summer is just so... so tropical, so heavy and yet, i would guess sentimental in a light, airy sort of way.
and now it's caught in the rain by october fall.
san diego summer song. oh dear.
i miss summer.
yep, i said it.
i really, really miss summer.
you know how you always want to like something, and then suddenly you realize that you don't really like it and that you miss something or someone else? and you feel like you cheated yourself? and it's horrible?
that's how i feel about summer and winter.
i thought i was this quixotic, wintry kinda guy. cynical. cold.
but i guess it's that san diego influenza. beach, towel, cold salty water. grass. sun, sunburn. balboa park. oh jeez. summer? where the fuck are you?
so yes, i guess summer is my favorite season.
yes. my confession.
these pictures are all from june, so don't go thinking that this is new york in february. because it's not and it will never be.
though there is no snow nowadays and the weather is getting a little warmer. like i can go outside now with two layers on without dying. though i'm still cold.
...and yes, it was sunny in philadelphia (not san diego sunny)... if you can call immitating the dying screeches of roadkill in order to survive blustering, jagged winds the ideal counterreaction of sunny.
because that's how sunny it was in philadelphia.
sometimes i could not feel my hands, my nose, my face, my feet.
but more details coming.
so we stopped at this beautiful little town called princeton, new jersey.
yes--the home of princeton university--which was SO FUCKING amazing! princeton is so beautiful, more reminiscent of a quaint brownstone town on the hills of cornwall or a french nobleman's estate. it's enormous, and it's beautiful and the atmosphere is so small-townish but it's still buzzing with energy and you see all these students walking around and eating and wow. it's just astounding, princeton life.
9% acceptance rate.
oh shit!
on the drive there we plugged in a george brassens CD and i nearly spasmed. george brassens... is amazing. here's a video of la mauvaise reputacion .
driving up to philly and the sun comes out. it's beautiful, looks like the skycrapers are climbing up and trying to kiss the sky.
walked over to independence hall, about ten blocks over from our hotel. it was chilly but not too cold and the sun was out and all the people were out on the streets walking, lunching, working, looking about.
we went inside, to the place where our forefathers wrote and signed our constitution... and i can't even tell you how beautiful the feeling is, to know that the most important moment in the history of the world happened at the same place where you are standing, where the most ingenious of people gathered hundreds of years ago to bring about a set of principles and beliefs that would change your, everybody's life, and push human advancement and liberalization further than even before. the hall where they signed the actual thing is huge, the walls high and blue, the soft pale light pooling in from the windows across thirteen wooden tables. mmm.
walking through the liberty bell exhibition was also touching. the bell embodies the american standards and continuous struggle for freedom, for equality. just knowing that the exhibit and the independence hall (plus a guided tour) are free to the public was so enlightening, knowing that history is open and that even the poorest of the poor are allowed to learn--that america's utmost treasures, its princples and its lifelines, are transparent to the world.
we went to the constitution center, which was amazing, and then we cross over the independence mall to the old city. which was sorta empty but kind of lovely, too.
and then we had some chinese red bean cake.
and then we walked up and down philadelphia in search of dinner. we saw indian buffet(no, diarrhea), pizza (pizza in quaker-land? ha!), seafood (schmaltzy), french (expensive and as dull as duck), wandered through some gritty parts of town... until we settled on the first place we saw. yes, well, apparently dinner for us was the usual--middle eastern deliciousness: the place called "sahara". couscous, shwarma, shish kebabs.
sweet, sweet baklawa.
and then, with our stomachs as jam-packed as 5th avenue during a pride parade, we toured down across the street towards the naked chocolate cafe adjacent to our hotel.
the next morning, we turned around the corner and came to city hall. an ornate white "monstrosity" that, in my opinion, was quite fabulous-looking. like a wedding cake. marble and beautiful and subtle, flowing, lush. i liked it.
we climbed up groggily (elevator-rode) to the top of city hall and took some pictures.
and then... began... our journey.
an approximately mile-long track from city hall towards the philadelphia museum of art: yes, THE philadelphia museum of art, a severe walk that was routinely punctured with dying animal noises (as mentioned in the beginning of this post) and sickly, pneumoniac chuckles. we were giddy as hell, fighting against the wind, along the way humming the Rocky hymn--GOTTA FLY NOW! oh please, we almost soaredd from the fucking blazing wind--both my palms were clenched into blood-red fists that burned like ice and my face felt like someone fucking slapped it and i was about to die, DIE HEAR ME DIE!
but we made it... in the end.
oh, and also, there was this huge police funeral nearby. immense. the whole philadelphia police force probably showed up.
and no thanks to any well-toned oscar-winning fatso who actually made it to the top of the stairs of the art museum.
[FLYING HIGH NOW]
oh, and yes. we made it too.
and... enter pictures.
a few hours later...
took a bus to reading market terminal.
from there on, the pictures explain it all.
food. food. food.
we've been waiting for this one ever since we arrived on the shores of pennsylvania: the philly cheesteak.
mmmmmhmmm.
pastrami sandwich and a picke.
mmmmhmmm.
returned home via car straight afterward.
and that's where i am at the moment. it's 11:18 p.m. and i'm about to collapse. had a good week, wanted to watch film tonight though... eyes gruesomely pink now, however, so sleep it is.
i'm sorry if some of the photos got jumbled up. they were probly were. jesus, i'm tired. and thirsty. and kind of hungry after writing about all this food.
My most played song on iTunes is Hakayitz HaAcharon by a band called Shefiyot Hazman
שפיות זמנית - הקיץ האחרון from 1991
the last summer by “time’s illusions”
i don’t know; something about that song makes me melancholy, makes me reflect, makes me... feel so lonely, so full of darkness, so left out... so neglected. but it expresses so many profound and mystical ideas, and i can only... i can only, i don’t know... i love it. it calls to mind israel; the darkness of israel, the sadness, the gloominess, all of my missed opportunities, the homes, the people... i can't tell you. i can't...it is such a mysterious song, so... so full of longing.
the story:
a few weeks ago we drove in the silver toyota
to a park, to costco
two weeks ago, to be exact
and i opened the glove container or whatever
and there’s this colorful cd
and i remembered—i recalled my father telling me that he knows this famous singer and she was his good friend and she signed a cd of hers and gave it to him
he told me this, what—two years ago?
so i put this cd in
and i feel like crying. ...
i want to meet her
i really do.
and it all fits in together. why did i have this sudden connection to the song? this emotional bond with her voice? because i’ve heard it before. years before. in a different time.
it was a one-hit wonder, and then she became a businesswoman.
wow.
why am i telling you this now?
why am i telling you this at all?
i don't know; intrigue. self-fullfillment. life.
~~~
i went to a party on saturday
and it was amazing
valentine’s day party
...
the play is moving along
fine
and i guess... that’s it.
tuesday early morning ah.
darkness cat power catcher in the rye chips sleep wake up shower life
lyrics
this is my last summer with you with the first rain i’ll disappear my tears will pour down the streets like a leaf that falls and far-away hopes i’m a man of winter amidst men of sea but in this winter i will not exist slowly, slowly the layers melt between wanting, not wanting and last prayers
so remember that you promised not to cry because the skies are big and the tears are small close your eyes every first rain and think of me
i want to climb on the mountains because they’re there and to visit oversea countries to know if there is other life forms and if the dead keep living because this is my last summer with you with the first rain i’ll disappear my tears will pour down the streets like a leaf that falls and far-away hopes
so remember that you promised not to cry because the skies are big and the tears are small close your eyes every first rain and think of me
amazing in small, peculiar ways, and i can't really pinpoint the one aspect of my happiness but i can pick out several recent happenings which have made me feel...elated.
for one, the play. i love rehearsals. they’re so incredibly pleasurable and i get to relax and meet and frolic with all these remarkable human beings/actors, and i don’t really know why it had helped me so much; i guess it’s just the idea that i’m a large character in the play and that i have some comical lines and that aleksandra is rheba and i am donald and i’m black, too, so that’s so much fun and i love drama and ... yeah. plus, it’s this additional extracurricular (which is so comforting—any additional extras assuage my college fears) and i would like to become a thespian next year, or the year after that ... so that’s electrifying.
guide post was enjoyable, considering the token amount of time i got to design the pages. i would really like to write and report too, but if i want to advance myself then i ought to concentrate more on the designing aspect for now, and then if i receive an editorship next year, or the year after that, which i hope and somewhat anticipate, i will ensure that we all could be able to write more than we do at the moment.
also there’s no more snow, and the air is fresh, and i’m not as cold anymore and we’re free to be outside for once and see the grass and... i’m starting to get sick of snow, really.
sunday we went to manhattan, to greenwich village.
it was a MAJOR food day.
no more words needed.
i saw more zagat-rated restaurants or food stores in that one day on that one street than at any other time or place or day in my entire life. i noticed at least three 28-rated zagat restaurants, which is extraordinary.
i ate a rice ball filled with cheese, or a cheese ball filled with rice, or something like that in this 28 restaurant. mmm.
and then we went to this astounding italian fusion restaurant, simply breathtaking masterpieces foods, probably the most extravagantly cooked and delicious food i’ve ever eaten in my life.
i ate these three ping-pong sized appetizers—roasted red pepper filled with goat cheese, little vegetable-filled dough fritter, and a deviled egg. the dough one made me nostalgic for a memory which i don’t really have.
and then, hamburger—or more like a big, brown, sizzling patty, condensed and incredibly well-done, but i still tasted the meat with every bite, so homey and lovely. there’s no words to describe it. served next to a plate of chips and a pickle... the hamburger was so good that i think they put salad dressing on the lettuce.
and an apple pie...
in five words, describing the food: it will make you cry.
today was good, too. i have one dilemma, however.
with this person.
this person... is unique, for a number of ways.
well, we were friends. but they have grown so mean-spirited and disenchanted with me, and i feel as if i disappointed them and they completely ignore me one second and then the next second they, well, welcome me into their arms.
well, not really. grudgingly, i believe.
i feel like they have taken advantage of me, like they consider me as a disposable, unnecessary individual, and even though i am crazy that does not mean that i am a disposable, unnecessary individual who can be virtually disregarded. and i like being the center of attention, so maybe this person doesn’t like me being a center of attention around them, but i used to respect this person so much, and now this respect i had for them evaporated.
is this a symptom of fakeness?
---
i'm eating cheetos and my fingers are all greasy and disgusting and it's midnight.
oh shit.
i watched the best film of 2008 on saturday. (and the second best film of 2008 a day before that.)
the best one--waltz with bashir. oh, my eyes swelled and i felt such nostalgia and emotions and sympathy, a plethora of indescribable, sacrosanct emotions that twisted me and confused me so. on friday i watched vicky cristina barcelona. obviously, woody allen is king--but the performances, oh!, the setting, the music... all superb.
