cutting great neck

so, this past half-week has been AMAZING.

amazing in small, peculiar ways, and i can't really pinpoint the one aspect of my happiness but i can pick out several recent happenings which have made me feel...elated.

for one, the play. i love rehearsals. they’re so incredibly pleasurable and i get to relax and meet and frolic with all these remarkable human beings/actors, and i don’t really know why it had helped me so much; i guess it’s just the idea that i’m a large character in the play and that i have some comical lines and that aleksandra is rheba and i am donald and i’m black, too, so that’s so much fun and i love drama and ... yeah. plus, it’s this additional extracurricular (which is so comforting—any additional extras assuage my college fears) and i would like to become a thespian next year, or the year after that ... so that’s electrifying.



guide post was enjoyable, considering the token amount of time i got to design the pages. i would really like to write and report too, but if i want to advance myself then i ought to concentrate more on the designing aspect for now, and then if i receive an editorship next year, or the year after that, which i hope and somewhat anticipate, i will ensure that we all could be able to write more than we do at the moment.

also there’s no more snow, and the air is fresh, and i’m not as cold anymore and we’re free to be outside for once and see the grass and... i’m starting to get sick of snow, really.



sunday we went to manhattan, to greenwich village.

it was a MAJOR food day.



no more words needed.

i saw more zagat-rated restaurants or food stores in that one day on that one street than at any other time or place or day in my entire life. i noticed at least three 28-rated zagat restaurants, which is extraordinary.



i ate a rice ball filled with cheese, or a cheese ball filled with rice, or something like that in this 28 restaurant. mmm.

and then we went to this astounding italian fusion restaurant, simply breathtaking masterpieces foods, probably the most extravagantly cooked and delicious food i’ve ever eaten in my life.



i ate these three ping-pong sized appetizers—roasted red pepper filled with goat cheese, little vegetable-filled dough fritter, and a deviled egg. the dough one made me nostalgic for a memory which i don’t really have.



and then, hamburger—or more like a big, brown, sizzling patty, condensed and incredibly well-done, but i still tasted the meat with every bite, so homey and lovely. there’s no words to describe it. served next to a plate of chips and a pickle... the hamburger was so good that i think they put salad dressing on the lettuce.

and an apple pie...

in five words, describing the food:

it will make you cry.

today was good, too. i have one dilemma, however.

with this person.

this person... is unique, for a number of ways.

well, we were friends. but they have grown so mean-spirited and disenchanted with me, and i feel as if i disappointed them and they completely ignore me one second and then the next second they, well, welcome me into their arms.

well, not really. grudgingly, i believe.



i feel like they have taken advantage of me, like they consider me as a disposable, unnecessary individual, and even though i am crazy that does not mean that i am a disposable, unnecessary individual who can be virtually disregarded. and i like being the center of attention, so maybe this person doesn’t like me being a center of attention around them, but i used to respect this person so much, and now this respect i had for them evaporated.

is this a symptom of fakeness?

---

i'm eating cheetos and my fingers are all greasy and disgusting and it's midnight.



oh shit.

i watched the best film of 2008 on saturday. (and the second best film of 2008 a day before that.)



the best one--waltz with bashir. oh, my eyes swelled and i felt such nostalgia and emotions and sympathy, a plethora of indescribable, sacrosanct emotions that twisted me and confused me so.

on friday i watched vicky cristina barcelona. obviously, woody allen is king--but the performances, oh!, the setting, the music... all superb.

the end. good night.

february 5 2009

what makes today a good day:



1) i got a part in the play. and it's not such a tiny part either. it's about a 50-line part, so i'm super excited to play it--plus, i'm supposed to be BLACK [mr. gellert must have looked beyond my pallid qualities into my inner soul] which physically and spiritually brings me even closer to barack obama. also, donald--my character--is aleksandra's [I LOVE YOU] husband/boyfriend. and they're really crazy. and then during our first read-through i had so much fucking fun! mr. gellert made fun of my accent and everyone laughed though i didn't understand what was so funny because i don't have a strong accent and nobody even knows i have an israeli accent and i never tell them it's an israeli accent and whenever i do tell them they don't believe me. and i really like my character :)



2) today was my first layout/late night in the guide post. stayed until 9:05 p.m. so basically everyone really liked me and what i did with my page. it was incredible. indesign is so incredible, i love designing newspapers and i really hope that finally my newspaper design skills would be put to good use. i want to be editor-in-chief of the guide post later in life. yay.



3) i understood the math for my math test tomorrow. oh shit. i need to be studying and NOT doing this!

and that's probably it.



~~~


had a hard time falling asleep for the past few days. i'm lying in bed. thinking about life. mmm. and i try to fall asleep, but can't. took long, long nap yesterday afternoon. i guess, sleep is not really an escape for me, it's more of a -- more of a well-controlled and troubling addiction. i hate trying to fall asleep. for the past few months i've been able to just pop right onto my pillow and doze off the second my ear touched the satin. so i'm really uncertain about what had happened to me over the past week.


i have also had the weirdest dreams. last night... i don't remember the dream from last night, though i do remember the dream from the night before. somehow israeli uncle & aunt & cousins came to visit us ... and our house was weird. well, for one thing, i went to pee into a bathroom in a room which exists in the house i live in right now but there were two toilets, both of them marvel, one of them for pee and one of them for poop. and i subconciously knew this. no idea how. and there was this huge bathtum behind the toilets. the dining room was weird too. and it was... i don't remember so well.

and the night before that, i dreamed that all of gilboa came to visit me in ny. it was so bizarre because i never give so much thought to gilboa, well not enough to have an entire gilboa-oriented fantasy anyway, but i clearly remember seeing dannielle and katya there and it was in the dark and it was cold and everyone was embracing each other and i remember seeing danielle and katya from far away and screaming their names as if we just saw each other again after a lifetime. and there were more people there too. i vaguely recall seeing faces illuminated by fire that had nothing to do with california or gilboa. people from my current life. who, i don't remember, but i remember thinking about it when i woke up.


~~


from now on my afternoons will be basically filled. oh shit. and with school and all. oh shit. i've still got some hw. oh oh ohhh shit.



exactly a year ago was super tuesday. it seems like time has flown by. hillary clinton--i still miss her infintiely, but am somewhat joyous that things turn out the way they are.

here's my picture post taken on a warm san diego winter night from super tuesday 2008, when california chose clinton by a 8% margin. i love democrats.